About Us

Let identity love sock be your latex sheath against identity theft. We'll cover you like a jimmy hat. All you have to do is give us a little information, and a little money, and we'll guarantee your identity is safe. We're a startup like 3,000 others, and our mission is to profit from your misfortune and/or stupidity. If you are willing to cough up money to pay us to "protect" you, then you are also likely to do anything at all. Likewise, we as a company are completely immoral, thriving only on your lack of education on the topic of identity theft, and we'll do everything we can to keep you uneducated. Rather than help matters by focusing energy on improving security and improving the security industry, we prefer to fill it with garbage like this website.

In addition to preying like vultures on victims of ID theft, we also thrive on stealing the efforts of volunteer driven research projects that document data loss incidents. We do this because these volunteer driven projects actually have some degree of established credibility (something we are unlikely to ever have, given our predatory nature), and rather than offer them a piece of the fortune we make by raping them of their data, we find it easier to just to ignore them or avoid them. Hell, we fuck victims of identity theft in the ass on a regular basis, why not fuck everyone else as well.

How we do it

We gain clients via various means, but our most profitable method is to wait for a data loss incident to be posted by a non-profit research group, then put up internet advertising using the name of the organization that experienced the incident. Victims flock to us when we do this. It is so effective we even feel a tinge of guilt. That Hannaford Supermarket incident? That Hannaford keyword put some serious cash in our checking accounts. Suckers.

Non-Profit RSS Feed we're RAPING

Contact

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Facts

• 4,000,000 identities are stolen every day.
• 30,000 people contract an STD every day
• What is more important?
• YOU DECIDE

Testimonials

"Thank god for this company. After having my identity stolen 12 times this past year, I finally feel safe. Been a subscriber for three days and no incidents!" - Susan

"With identity love sock, i feel completely shielded from evil hackers who might try to steal my identity. with this new service, now i say 'bring em on'!" - John

"Steal my shit? I'll shank you BITCH." - Jerry

"Since subscribing I feel as secure as a baby in a mothers arms. So secure in fact, my social security number is 457-55-5462" - Kitten