identity Love Sock: Your misfortune is our bread 'n buttah!

Because victims have money too ^TM

Support

Our outsourced technical support staff is ready and waiting to assist you

FAQ

How Effective is the service?: Honestly? Not terribly. It is purely reactive, and in fact, since WE now store your personal information, your identity is in fact LESS secure than it was before! But we won't tell you that...not until we have to because we've experienced a data loss, and some crummy legislation forces us to be honest.
How many idiot customers do you have?: DOZENS, see our testimonials on the side of the page!
Can't I do what you do by myself for free?: SHUT TEH HELL UP BEEOTCH. Paying us is the only way to be completely safe!

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Facts

4,000,000 identities are stolen every day.
30,000 people contract an STD every day
What is more important?
YOU DECIDE

Testimonials

"Thank god for this company. After having my identity stolen 12 times this past year, I finally feel safe. Been a subscriber for three days and no incidents!" - Susan

"With identity love sock, i feel completely shielded from evil hackers who might try to steal my identity. with this new service, now i say 'bring em on'!" - John

"Steal my shit? I'll shank you BITCH." - Jerry

"Since subscribing I feel as secure as a baby in a mothers arms. So secure in fact, my social security number is 457-55-5462" - Kitten